I have been off work for just over a week, with back problems. Some of you may remember I had a spinal fusion in February 2006, after suffering for 3 years with sever back pain. In 2007 I ran a 5k race for charity, the first time in a very long time that I was able to do any kind of exercise of that intensity (well for me anyways!). I gained a lot of weight after my operation as well, which hasn't been easy to loose, near impossible, to be honest!
I have been self employed since I returned to England in 1996. I retirned to Newcastle and set up a successful Interior Design business. I have been a WAHM for the past 8 years, and decided it was time to actually go out and get a job. And I did just that, and I have really enjoyed my TA job. I started work on 18th March and barely 4 months down the road I hit this great big wall, and I am devastated, I am bored, I am depressed, I am totally fed up! I am supposed to go back to the doctors tomorrow and a part of me thinks, don't bother I need to go back to work, for my sanity if nothing else, then the other part of me knows the pain I am in, and if i take the tablets the Dr has given me, well i cant drive, speak or do anything except sleep!
I am in such a catch 22, i hate it......
edited to add: My hospital appt has come through to see the spine Dr!! on the 27th :)
Now to my weight!!! Gggrrrrrr. I am a typical roller coaster when it comes to my weight. I have never been a trim size 10, always a neat 14, and an occasional size 12 , (but always a 12 when it comes to Wallis though, gotta love the larger cut sizes of Wallis!) Then I become a mum and piled on 4 stone, not a pretty sight. A photo at Christmas 2000, has me running to Weight Watchers and signing up to my nearest gym, and 11 months later I am 4 stone less and a gold member. 2003 comes along and Lilly is born, piled on the weight, snap my 5th lumber, and the weight drops by a stone only. Move to Cambridgeshire in 2005 weight piles back on, Dad passes away in 2006, weight drops of me, and then we come up to date and I am an overweight mum of 2 and nearly 40!!!. Not the fit and fabulous 40 year old woman I had planned, but a fat and frunpy nearly 40 year old.
Sue sent me a link to this, she said it reminded her of me and how I feel about my body and weight, and she was so right, its me all over....
At the end of the year I hit the big 40, and I don't want to be 40. I want to stay age 26. That's the age I think I still am. The smiling young girl who was a slim size 12, and met my soul mate Peter. Although I still want to be a mum, I want the body and energy of that 26 year old that I was. Do you feel the age you are or younger. i hate that i look at clothes, and then have a reality check, that I am not in my 20's and I am not a size 10, I am actully 39 and a size 16!! I dance around the living room to some 90's house music aka Pete Tong, happy and smiling, until Izzy gives me "that" look. You know the one that says "OMG mum, you are sooo embarrasing".....
At the end of the year I hit the big 40, and I don't want to be 40. I want to stay age 26. That's the age I think I still am. The smiling young girl who was a slim size 12, and met my soul mate Peter. Although I still want to be a mum, I want the body and energy of that 26 year old that I was. Do you feel the age you are or younger. i hate that i look at clothes, and then have a reality check, that I am not in my 20's and I am not a size 10, I am actully 39 and a size 16!! I dance around the living room to some 90's house music aka Pete Tong, happy and smiling, until Izzy gives me "that" look. You know the one that says "OMG mum, you are sooo embarrasing".....
Gee I am such a misery.... If you have read this far I am shocked, LOL.
Beyond my grumpy mood, Izzy has had a sports day and taken part in the year 6 end of production play, singing in the choir/singing club, she tells me off for calling it a choir LOL.
Sports Day was no where as much fun as infant sports day. Too competitive and lots of sitting around. The heavens also opened and we all got drenched!
Lilly cheering Izzy on...
Izzy did managed to take part in the sack race.
Last night she sang in the Year 6, end of year production. photos are too dark and naff, but here is one taken before.
Finally Pencil Lines went live with sketch 142 on Sunday. This weeks guest is the amazing Gudrun, and 3ndypapir sponsored the Dt and is our RAK sponsor for this month. Gudrun and Lene are the talent behind 3ndypapir paper company. Gorgeous fun papers, do check them out.
This afternoon is the infants sports day, and i am looking forward to seeing the fun aspect of sports day and Lilly's smiling face as she runs with an egg and spoon, does the fancy dress race, and battles her way through the obstacle course!
Have a great day, and thanks for stopping by!
Hugs
Anna xx
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Hi Anna, sorry you are feeling so down, I always eat more when I'm like that which makes me feel even more crap! So are you able to have another op to help your back or can you go to see a physio etc. to help?
Henrys headmaster is completely 'non competitive' so sports days are not so good - thay have healthy living status and do loads of physical activities as long as they are non competitive!
Hope things look up soon, leet us know if you fancy meeting up for a picnic again these hols xx
Oh hunny, I feel your pain I really do, going to ring you and try and cheer you up xxx
As a size 16, 37 1/2 year old I know how you are feeling! I too have usually been a trim 12/14 but have gained so much in the last year, I have just found out is due to some medication I was on. I have stopped it now and hope to return to the size and more fun loving self that I was before. I think sadly that most women feel like this a lot of the time, for different reasons, but hang in there chicky, we luv ya and it will get better I am sure! xx
Sorry you are in so much pain and feeling so down! I can fully sympathise - I was a size 26 10 years ago, lost 10st with WW, became a leader for them, hurt my back, gave it up, got pregnant! 5st back on - why does it go on so quickly!!!? Fractured my T4 vertabrae in 2005, divorced in 2006, diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2008 after years of unexplained pain & I'm back to size 24/26 again & pretty much unable to exercise due to pain. On the brighter side, I'm married my SoulMate this year! I hope you get some help soon from the consultant & you will be pain free soon. Its hard to deal with things when you are in pain but I'm sure you will get there - keep asking the Angels to help you.
xxx
Hun, I kind of understand. I'm only in my twenties but with having to cope with back pain most days I know how sruggling with your weight can be such an issue. I'm a size 20/22. Hate it that I let myself get like this. Try doing something about it but find it so difficult when I'm in pain.
My Dad has had 2 spine fusions. He spent over 2 years (most of it at home sick) before he was diagnosed. He's now suffering severe dizzy spells and has spent most of the last year in bed.
Life just isn't fair. It makes you think of the good things you have. Think of your two gorgeous girls. Your husband. Everything you have accomplished. Things will get better Anna. There's a light at the end of the tunnel - just keep looking towards it. xx
Sorry for how you feel but understand completely. Unfortunately, weight is harder to take off as you get older. I had my thyroid gland removed due to cancer two years ago and the weight is even harder to get off. I keep telling myself no matter how bad I feel, it can always be worse. I also often think of my grandmother when she was dying to ovarian cancer telling my aunt to stop complaining about gaining weight and be glad you were able to eat as she could not keep anything down at that point. Hopefully, your doctor will be able to find a solution to your pain when you see him. Hang in there!
I hope you start to feel better soon, a bad back is so debilitating and just affects everything you do.
xx
Oh Anna I also feel your pain. I struggle with my weight and it seems the more I try to lose it the more I seem to put on. Now at 65, 5ft 1", 12.5 stone, size 16 I am so fed up with myself. The last 2 years I have vowed I will lose weight for the next SA retreat but I just dont manage it in fact I am a stone heaver this year than last.
Reading some of the other comments on here we are not alone in our quest to be slimmer.
I do hope your back gets better soon as this will make you feel better about everything. Being in pain is so depressing.
Sending you loads of hugs. Take care. xoxoxo
Anna I do so hope that your back starts to improve soon. I understand a little how you feel as I too suffer with a bad back and when it is bad, get so depressed as sometimes I can only crawl up the stairs and the pain makes me physically sick on occasions. Really hoping you will soon be on the mend and looking forward to seeing you soon. Sylvia x
So sorry you feel this way Anna, I know so many people feel the same, especially with the 'how old am i really' and the weight issue after children. I'm right there with you on that one :)
Hugs and I hope things look up for you soon xx
Sending lots of hugs your way!